Am I Too Late?


Did I miss the train?

[Hey everyone!  If you haven’t checked out my current giveaway, make sure you do–it ends January 15th!]

The train, that is, of reflecting on the past year. Of my accomplishments, failures (err…lessons learned?). And of my dreams for the future.

Goodbye 2012. We became great friends in the short time that we had together.

Goodbye 2012. We became great friends in the short time that we had together.

Perhaps. I’m sure that this year blog readers grew sick of such posts even before they began. I imagine there are many “Brace Yourself…” memes dedicated to this.

But unlike most years, 2012 was rattled with change for me. 2012 was truly a defining year in my life. I imagine my future self reminiscing about the past, thinking about all the important milestones in my life. Some, surely, will be the significant ones: head on collision when I was 16, graduating college, getting married, etc. The major events.

But there are other moments. Small periods of time or occurrences that, if I weren’t paying enough attention, would just slip under the radar of my consciousness until I lose sight of how I even “got here.”

Like little cute moments with the dog =)

Like little cute moments with the dog =)

That, my dear friends, is 2012 for me. A series of small changes that took place over time. And yet, the course my life was taking January 1, 2012 is now considerably different from where I see myself heading as of January 3, 2013.

So What Changed?

  • Career crisis. As of 1-1-2012, I knew exactly what I wanted be once I “grew up.” Now, that’s all changed. The path ahead is no longer clear and defined, but instead is a hazy dream.
  • Money took a dive. Both figuratively and uber-figuratively. Figuratively as in struggling with finances. But also uber-figuratively as in on our priorities list. Just last year, “making bank” was a huge priority for us. We would drive in rich parts of town and dream about the big house we would one day have:

“omg. Our kitchen will be FABULOUS!” 

“And don’t forget, we’ll need a movie room!”

“And a craft room!” 

“A walk-in closet!”

“Lots of cars–a MERCEDES!” 

    • Now? Our priorities are: mental health, physical health, and…experiences.  All the stuff that I’d been surrounding myself with was not making me happy. It was artificial. It was distracting me and keeping me from life. I want to see the world, see the stars. I want adventures and experiences.
  • Shrinking. I weighed about 165 lbs when I greeted 2012. This time? I took a bow in 2013 at a fabulous 145 lbs (a bit grumpily, though, because I was actually at 140 lbs pre-holiday season).
  • Meat is murder. It’s hard to imagine that I was happily eating my Steak ‘n Shake burgers and Culver’s crispy chicken sandwiches just a year ago. Haven’t had any meat since May 2012 and never looked back**. While I’d like to jump on my horse and claim it was for moral reasons regarding the cruelty of animals, it started off more as a desire to live a healthy life. Although I must admit now that I find my connection to animals much deeper than before.
    • And if you’re keeping track…yes. This is part of the reason that our money situation wasn’t that great. But it’s been worth it.
    • okay

      ** Okay. FINE. I’ll admit it. I “looked back” once. In Chicago a couple weeks ago. At a Portillo’s drive thru. Wanted a hot dog SO BAD that I burst into tears and cried. Don’t judge me unless you’ve actually eaten one of these bad boys….But anyway, J stayed strong, didn’t cave into my tantrum. Thanks, sweetie =)

  • Goose Frabah. Mental health became a priority. I need to stop having fights with people in my head! So together we took a mindfulness meditation class. I learned to find more peace in my day, and to focus on what matters while letting go of the things that don’t.

 

  • Cycling as sustenance. 2012 marks the year where I learned how much cycling is my sustenance in life. It keeps me healthy–physically and mentally. I think about it when I’m not riding. I miss it when it’s too cold to ride. I buy cycling related things whenever I can afford it. Simply put–cycling keeps me happy. And it was this year that I finally realized it.
Cycling is both of our lives. Here's a sweet note I found from him when I came home one day after work.

Cycling is both of our lives. Here’s a sweet note I found from him when I came home one day after work.

Sincerely,

So there it is.

Maybe no one but me will read or enjoy this post. If you’re still reading, hopefully you enjoyed it. If not, then I am content with viewing this post as a letter to myself.

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2 responses to “Am I Too Late?

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